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[Sep. 27th, 2007|02:02 pm] |
So glad its thursday. this school week is over! 2 exams in one week is rough! lucky for me I only worked on tuesday and I have work today. I'm going to miss the first epi of the office and grey's anatomy. and then mad men is on tonight too, and I want to go hang out with ry guy and lx if they're chilling. oh the restraints of the media on my schedule! Can you believe next week is already october?! Drew will be home next weekend til monday or tuesday I think. I asked for the saturday and monday off to spend extra time with him. I'm counting down the days til he's home and I know that I'll be able to be with him, this distance is hard. Last year was hard based solely on my immaturity and selfishness, now it's hard because our relationship is on a different level, I need his support and presence to deal with all the things going on.
When will I not be exhausted? I get the feeling it's only going to get worse. 13 hours of school (not including homework and studying) 22-27 hours of work, somewhere in there I want to see my friends and family, and to rest... the days getting shorter just make things harder still.
I feel the baby move all the time. he gets picky about certain ways I sit, or when I rest something on my stomach he pushes back. Since the ultrasound I've been able to think more about him being a person. I think about how adorable he's going to be when I see him, how much love will just pour out of me for him. I get flashes of being scared about anything going wrong, now that I'm so attached.
I went to the chiropractor yesterday. it was amazing! they put heat on my back and on my hips and butt. then a lady gave me a "soft tissue massage" and then I got adjusted. It didn't totally relieve the pain in my tailbone but the massage helped a lot. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2007|12:24 am] |
The National was amazing.
Great weekend with Drew. Harder and harder to leave him each time.
Got on the W.I.C. program to get free food and stuff.
Sort of important:
I GOT A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!
2004 dodge stratus, mine's maroon. Mommy car!
pretty sad about trading in my truck. Sooooo hard to let it go. I cried when I was cleaning it out.
So tired and I just remembered I have and exam tomorrow that I haven't studied for at all. ugh.
also got my score back from my economy exam...good thing he's going to curve it. |
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| 6 weeks |
[Jun. 5th, 2007|11:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2007|09:46 am] |
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I had to get a filling at the dentist which was not sweet. Pistons lost, not sweet. Work 11-7 today, not sweet. Gas pains 24/7, not sweet. But I went to Plaza Mexico with Evan yesterday and that was really sweet. He got me a tiny kitty made of tigers eye from china town while he was in california. looooove it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|01:24 pm] |
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I'm almost positive that this is my final straw. I already cried twice today before this even happened. Once realizing that I have lost all my friends, and then again about some fucking snowmobile that I saw that my dad owns. I come home to a rude letter written to me by my step dad, about issues he has I thought were resolved weeks ago. Calling me a cry baby, telling me I'm selfish, that I need to be a big girl, and since I cried the last time about him yelling at me, he wrote the letter so he "wouldn't scare me"(so fucking kind of him). I feel like I have no safe place. No one person to talk to. Is this all my fault? I give up. I have nothing. What else am I supposed to give before things turn around? I don't think I'm a bad person. I've made mistakes, but I'm the first one to admit them, and the last one to be punishing me for them. I want to lay down and die. |
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| My life |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|10:45 am] |
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People play sports, take dance, play an insturment, write. I go to doctors. I go to the Chiropractor for my shoulders and for my hips(my legs are different lengths), I go to the Dermatologist for my excessive sweating, the cyst by my eye, and for the scar on my forehead, I go to the Therapist, just for fun, and I went to the Gynocologist today for fun also. Doctors=my life. I just hate that that is all I ever talk about. So I want to try rollerblading, because it seems fun and fits my criteria for what I want in a physical activity. Not a team sport, no winning or loosing, yet its somewhat social, and you still get to test your skills. I also want to try breakdancing. I've been obsessed with breakdancing for a really long time. I taped this movie called "breakin'" off showtime almost 6 years ago. I love it. |
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| I'm excited! |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|03:26 am] |
...because these will be mine.
Alex has really taught me to be less careless in my decisions so I've thought it over for a couple months and it's still sticking...So I'm gonna do it! I saved up and they'll be mine as soon as Octona gets em in. |
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| I stuck up for you the whole time. I never said one bad thing about you. |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|08:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  livid | ] |
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| | Rocky | ] |
I've gone through a lot in my life and the people haven't changed, they just get new names, new faces. I've always been two things to people at the end. Either a stepping stone or the one to throw stones at. I'm not surprised. Just so fucking done with fake people. |
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| I heart Garys birthday |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|12:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
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| | Rocky V. | ] |
I had so much fun, it's silly. I feel genuinely happy, not the part time kind of happy either. My mom said it best when she said "you have really good friends." Now if only my entire head wasn't plugged up, and my throat didn't feel like sand paper when I swallowed...I need mucinex. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 17th, 2006|05:09 pm] |
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Alex got us tickets to see copeland for valentines day. So we saw them yesterday at Clutch Cargos. It was really fun. But I don't like people looking at me anymore. |
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| My newest tattoo! |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|12:18 am] |
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| |  sleepy | ] |
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| | heater vent | ] |
I went to Eternal Tattoos with Emmy yesterday and we got tattoos
I didn't have enough money to get the birds filled in black and the sun filled in an orange to yellow fade (I wasn't too much of a pussy)... So it'll be done soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|06:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  okay | ] |
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| | blue oyster cult-don't fear the reaper | ] |
So I'm not gonna lie. I had a bit of a breakdown over the weekend. I've been depressed since about the time I turned 18 back in November. I haven't been able to get a good grip on my life since then. Then on Saturday Alex innocently brings up the money sitch, and I just lost it. Instead of going out and getting a job, and going and taking my stateboards, I just sit home and watch the opportunities pass me by. I've been just feeling sorry for myself. I could blame it on so many things, but the strange part is that I never did. Knowing that I was the one putting me down day after day didn't change anything. I'd like to say that after talking to Alex and getting everything off my chest that I'm completely better, but I'm not. I've got a long way to go actually. But I'm finally feeling optimistic about some things and just knowing that I'm being optimistic about anything makes me happy and want to be optimistic about more things. I know I've got some really awesome friends and the love of my life backing me up and I hope that it's not too late to start my new years resolution. |
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| fuck a superbowl sunday |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|04:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  a bit swollen | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | rocky v | ] |
I got a monroe piercing today. the least painful piercing ever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|04:52 pm] |
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I'm not feeling it this semester. I think I'm just melting away. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|07:53 pm] |
So Livejournal suspened my account for like two seconds because I had to change my password because it was "too easy" I give them a big W/E! other than that...thats about all my life is. I have cramps and I got a scratch on my forehead this morning from hitting my head on the freezer door. and I bit the side of my mouth. Pity Party!!! |
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| Oh man |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|04:30 pm] |
I just faxed in my Stateboard Application. I am so freaking out. I need to study and practice and oh man! But I'm excited, don't get me wrong. This week has been way too long. I really need to get a job or else I'm going to be so depressed and bored. Kevin said he'd take me to fill out applications someday soon. I just don't want to work in a place with meat. That is my only criteria. Bowling tonight. Tits. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 15th, 2006|11:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  diarreha | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | rocky votolato | ] |
I went iceskating yesterday with nate, karla, emmy, kevin, clark, drew, mallory, and alex just sat and watched. It was fun but the skates killed my feet. Then we went to rams horn and then Ryans and watched 4 hours of Arrested Development. We left around 4 and I had to drop clark and alex off and I got to bed around 5:30AM.
I was just laying their crying because I was so exhausted, and I get crazy. And I was thinking about all the stuff that I should do. Like get my stateboard license and get a job and all that and how I just can't bring myself to do it. I think I'm destined to be a failure. I've been feeling really critical of myself lately, appearance and personality and abilities. I've started to constantly just tell myself I'm not good at anything and I don't deserve the things I have in my life. Alex is starting to get pissed because I just keep bothering him about stupid shit.
He's going to be even more busy this semester than last. work and school til 8 on monday and wednesdays and til 5 all the other weekdays. I don't deserve him. He hurt his knee yesterday so I took care of him today. I picked him up from his house and put creme on his knee and wrapped it and put a heating pad on it and we watched soccer for like 6 hours.
We also watched Red Eye, and it wasn't good. The script was so lame and sadly, no boobs. I went and seen Brokeback Mountian with Kevin and it wasn't very good either. The scenary was amazing, but the movie was slow. There was boobs in this one though. Drew said Hostle has a lot of boobs in it and I'm thinking of going just for that.
ugh.
< 3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|12:21 am] |
Hi everyone! So I haven't been very busy lately. Just staying up waaaay too late, and sleeping in til 2 most of the days. Spending good quality time with Alex and we are doing the best ever! School starts again this Thursday, which is kind of a bummer but I think a month vaca is good for me.
Before December 8th I had 1,417.28 in my bank account. As of today I have 854.29. Bad news. 86 goes to renewing license plate the rest to books this semster. Bad news indeed. I need a job, but I am extremely unmotivated, and too picky to settle for some crap job. I don't think my financial situation has totally hit me yet.
So I'm still a little bit sick and I lost more weight. I want to be 98lbs. Thats still in my healthy bmi so don't freak out. I am only 4'11" remember? I'm down to 102 the last time I checked. So last year around this time I'm pretty sure I was wearing a size 4 pants, I am down to a 0
I spent practically all my gift cards/certs lots of sweet new clothes. I just have a Victoria Secret gift card and a Tat-man tattoo's gift certificate that I wish I could use but if I honestly spent money on myself right now, I'd be so dumb. 30 dollars went into the gas tank, and I officially have 6 dollars. Anyone want their hair cut? |
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